First Bulk – Final Check In.

I’m more than happy to be writing that this is the last post update about my bulk. As of Sunday the bulk was officially over. When i started i was 51kgs and on Sunday when i finished i was 61.5kgs, in total i have gained 23lbs. My body fat is currently at 15% and even though i have no visible abs right now and can’t fit into any of my jeans i’m really happy and excited about the progress i have made this past few months, it was definitely worth it.

I have really managed to build my legs & glutes so much this past few months and also have been working more on my upper body strength and size as my shoulders and triceps have always been my weak point. I have noticed a massive difference in my legs and also i can feel my arms are a lot harder and fuller than last year as last year i had zero shoulders and my triceps were non existent. I’m really looking forward to cutting and seeing whats underneath and how my arms especially are going to look. For me i always hold most of my body fat on my arms/triceps area so it’s a lot harder to know how they are going to look when i cut down but i’m feeling confident and can definitely feel the difference.

Aside from the size i have also really improved my strength over this past few months which i am loving. I decided to end my bulk now and go back down to maintenance calories for just a few weeks to try and keep my strength up and lean out a bit.

I’ve got to that stage where i have been really struggling to finish my calories every day. I never thought i’d be saying this but this past few weeks i have been so sick of eating that i didn’t want to eat at all. Trying to cram in all of those healthy calories every day for the past few months is really a lot harder than i thought it would be, my appetite has totally gone. Even going back down to maintenance right now is hard for me, i don’t feel like eating at all so even eating less calories feels to much for me. Right now i’m thinking i can’t wait to cut so that i don’t have to eat as much. But check back in when i’m cutting and i’m 100% sure i’ll regret saying this and will be saying the exact opposite.

So that’s my first bulk over with and after a rocky start and lots of complaining about eating i managed to get on track and made some serious progress. Now time to get them shreds back in time for the summer. Will of course be blogging my progress during my cut, be prepared for lots of blogging about being tired, hungry and emotional.

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New Beginnings.

As most of you will know by now i recently handed my notice in at my job of 2.5 years.

I’ve had a great time there but over this past year i’ve been feeling kind of stuck. I felt a long time ago that i had gotten everything i could from this job, there was nothing more that i could do here, no new skills to learn, no room to progress and grow. It started making me feel really bored and unhappy, so i finally bit the bullet and started applying for new jobs.

Luckily something fell right into my lap and very quickly i got an amazing new job offer. I’m so excited to start this new chapter in my life and this new job is exactly what i was praying for. Last year was very tough for me, a lot of ups and downs but i somehow managed to power through and this year things are looking so much better.

Last year there were a lot of days where i struggled to find a reason to get out of bed in the morning, a lot of days where i was afraid to talk to anybody and i was afraid that things would never get better. Around me everybody would have thought i was the happiest person ever but that’s just because i was afraid to tell anyone what was going on in my head in case they told me i was crazy. The best decision i ever made was to confide in a friend and to get help. Its been a long road so far and i’m not naive enough to think that my troubles are behind me, anybody who has suffered with mental health will know its an uphill battle where you get knocked back down again and again.

So far in 2017 i feel like one good thing has been happening after another, it feels almost to good to be true. My blog has been doing amazing, my training is going really well, i’ve had a few photo shoots, and most of all i feel happy again. Unfortunately with anxiety there’s always that little voice in my head telling me this won’t last, something will go wrong. What i’ve came to realize is that that little voice is probably right, the good times don’t last forever, but neither do the bad times. Life is fleeting and no matter what happens nothing lasts forever.

So while all of these good things are happening to me i’m going to focus on vibrating higher, live right in this moment and appreciate every single good thing that is happening to me right now. The big things and the small, getting a new job and finding a lucky cent. Because they all matter and they all make me smile and it’s these things that manage to keep me going even in my darkest days.

One thing that has really helped me in not being so worried about the future is how i have such an amazing group of friends who have been so good to me through everything. On days when i have felt low and felt empty, its my friends who have helped raise me back up and fill me back up with love.

It’s weird how much things can change in one year, how your perception can change. I once remember writing that life is not meant to be lived in pain. Oh how naive i feel now for writing that, but that’s genuinely what i thought at the time. Now i realize that that’s what life is, it’s painful and it’s unfair. We just have to not let that pain consume us and drag us under. For it’s the pain that makes us who we are. The pain makes us stronger.

So here’s to new beginnings. Here’s to 2017. Here’s to being stronger than ever.

Even in my lowest lows I have unwavering faith that the universe has my back.

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