Boundaries is a repeated theme that seems to be coming up in all areas of my life at the moment. Okay universe, I hear ya. I’ve been seeing’s posts on social media, noticing this coming up in shows I am watching, in podcasts I am listening to, mentioned in books I am reading. The final kicker was boundaries coming up as a main focus on one of the modules i am studying at college.
My course includes a lot of time for self development & reflection. With every module, or every new tool learned, I learn more about myself and revisit things I thought I once knew to see if this new information changes my perception in any way. Discussing the topic of boundaries with my peers this week really allowed me to dig deep and check in with myself.
What am I tolerating?
What is frustrating me right now?
What boundaries am I setting?
Well it turns out i am tolerating a lot of shit that doesn’t match my energy or my values. I’m frustrated that my energy is low and I don’t have enough time for me, to look after myself and just relax. All because I am NOT setting enough boundaries.
This isnt just in one area of my life but actually in a few different areas. I got into a lot of specifics when hashing this out and ‘coaching’ myself and ended up making a list of boundaries that need to be set in work & in my relationships. Even making this list and seeing it down on paper was really empowering. In such a short space of time I identified what exactly was taking my energy, how I was allowing this to happen & what i was going to do about it.
Setting boundaries is THE most direct and effective way to take back your power, to reclaim your energy.
Setting boundaries is never easy, it may feel uncomfortable at first & it may ruffle some feathers BUT if the people around you respect & care about you, they will respect your needs. Remember, it’s not just about setting boundaries, that is the first step. The hardest part is reinforcing those boundaries whenever somebody tries to cross them, not tolerating or allowing somebody to cross that line. Checking in with yourself from time to time to honestly ask ‘is this boundary still serving me?’, ‘am I enforcing this boundary firmly enough?’, ‘do I need to set any more boundaries?’.
If your energy is low, your feeling drained and worn out, try this below exercise –
- Make a list of your current frustrations.
- Make a list of anything that your tolerating right now that could be causing these frustrations.
- Now list the boundaries that you have already set. Chances are if your feeling this way, you arent setting any boundaries, your boundaries aren’t strong enough, or your not enforcing them!
- Now, based on the above list, starting listing some boundaries that will help you take back control of the situation. That may mean saying no to overtime at work, saying no to social events so you can have some me time, setting expectations with a friend or colleague about how you expect to be treated going forward. This is your list so you will know based on your current frustrations and tolerations what boundaries you need.
- Let anyone involved know what your boundaries are and set expectations. If you feel like it, you can explain to them why this is necessary, or not – don’t feel like you need to explain unless you really want to.
- Reinforce those boundaries whenever necessary, if anyone tries to cross them remind them of the discussion you have & be firm.
- Check in with yourself from time to time and reflect on your boundaries – are you enforcing them correctly? – are they still serving you? – do you need to set any more?
- Enjoy your reclaimed energy and power, you are amazing !
I find this excercise incredibly effective and I hope you do to. This is my own method that i would use with clients in coaching sessions to help them reclaim their energy but it is also a useful tool to use on myself time and time again. I’m only human, we all need to check in with ourselves from time to time and get some clarity on certain aspects of our lives.
Good luck with reclaiming your power and if you feel like sharing I would love to know how you found this exercise.