1 year Cancer free.

It has been exactly 1 year since I got the all clear and what an amazing year it has been. I completed my coaching diploma, started my yoga teacher training course and most importantly I completely transformed in so many ways.

It’s amazing how when you get a life changing diagnosis every other worry you had becomes obsolete. That person in work who annoys you. That project your behind on. Any conflict with your significant other. Money worries. Self limiting beliefs. Everything else just disappears and you suddenly realise how it wasn’t really important in the first place. Suddenly you realise that the only thing that ever mattered was your health.

This is something that has really changed my perspective on the world. In the years leading up to this I suffered with auto-immunity and arthritis so I already knew that if your suffering with a chronic condition and with chronic pain it takes over completely and can be so hard to get into the right headspace to break free from the cage of being trapped within your condition. Being diagnosed with cancer allowed me to break free from that cycle.

From the date of my first surgery, through my diagnosis, getting the all clear, getting the ‘not actually all clear’, to a second surgery and the final all clear it all happened so fast and was such a whirlwind experience. I can’t even begin to put in to words the pain and deep soul felt sobs that happened during that time. Every single second of every day I was praying to God to heal me of this and visualising the outcome that I wanted and thanking him for all of the blessings in my life so far. I realised during this time of uncertainty that the things that would usually bother me suddenly didn’t bother me any more. In work, at home, in general – if something happened that would usually cause me to get stressed out, I just accepted it and moved on, it didn’t matter.

After getting the all clear this shift in perspective really stayed with me and because of this I began a complete transformation into a happier, healthier and more free version of myself. I realised the things that truly matter and let the things go that didn’t. Of course i’m only human and slip back in to worry and anxious thoughts from time to time, don’t we all? But i’m very quick to recognise it now and bring myself back in to a more positive and uplifting mindset. This change in mindset not only helped me achieve freedom from anxiety and my self limiting beliefs, but on a physical level I feel better than I have done in years. I actually forget some days that I have an autoimmune disease at all, i’m too busy loving every minute of life and thanking God that I am healthy enough to live it. I still suffer with chronic pain but I am no longer consumed by it. I still have an autoimmune disease but the autoimmune disease no longer has me.

This past year has been amazing for me and I know that this is just the beginning. I have always wanted to help people become better versions of themselves and help them to improve their mental, physical & spiritual wellbeing. After living and breathing such a transformation myself I now know that the rest of my life will be devoted to helping others achieve the same kind of freedom in any way that they need it. I am here to serve.

Second time lucky.

***08/02/19***

I’m writing this laid up in bed recovering after having my second surgery on my knee last week.

Let’s rewind..

Last year I had a surgery on my right knee to remove a melanoma. It was sent around to several specialists in Ireland and one specialist in Holland and finally they got back to me and said they all agreed they got it all the first time around, no further surgery needed. Massive sigh of relief ! I can’t even begin to explain the emotions felt at hearing you have Cancer and waiting to find out if it has spread or not. Anxiety, fear, dread, grief, panic, to name a few ! The weight that lifted off my shoulders when I got the call from my Dr to say they got it all the first time around was palpable.

Fast-forward to the end of January..

I then got a call from the hospital only two weeks ago to tell me actually no, your Dr shouldn’t have advised you that and we need to see you again ASAP. I argued blind with the nurse on the phone God bless her.. ‘no you’ve made a mistake my Dr told me you got it all’.. ‘I got the all clear back in December’.. ‘are you sure you have the most up to date records’.. ‘can you check and see if you have the results from all 3 specialists there as they confirmed that it was all gone?’. She had to repeat to me several times that she had my most up to date record and then she advised they recently had a board meeting where they discussed my latest results and the hospital decided that further surgery would be necessary. You couldn’t make this shit up!

I was back in the hospital two days later meeting my oncologist surgeon & discussing my treatment plan. He wanted to take a wider margin from the area and send that off for further testing, no risks being taken here.

1 week later I was in the Vincent Private having my second surgery. It all went well but the surgery was a lot bigger this time and a lot more painful so I’ve been laid up in bed for the past week recovering and keeping my leg elevated.

I was advised to pop back in to the dressing clinic yesterday so they could check the wound as I was worried it wasn’t healing as well as last time. The nurse was so careful with it and told me that it does seem inflamed and it was still bleeding slightly (which it shouldn’t be). Due to the scar being right on the inside of my knee she said I need to be very careful to keep my leg straight and put no pressure on it as bending/pressure can cause it not to heal properly. So that’s me in bed for another few days now before I even think of leaving the house.

To say I’m bored shitless is an understatement. I’m usually so active with work, gym, yoga, walks & cycling. Lying in bed for 8 days straight so far is not going down well but I really do need to make sure this heals well so for a change I’m actually listening to the Drs advice.

On the plus side, I’ve been getting lots of reading done & have finally found the time to stitch missing buttons back on dresses & shirts I have had lying around for a while. Little tiny positives right?

My results should be back next week. I’m staying positive and hoping that my Oncologist was just being very thorough by performing a second surgery but until then… fingers crossed & praying.

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Life after diagnosis.

In 2018 I was diagnosed with autoimmunity (PsA), neuropathy & skin cancer.

I went through months of harsh medications that destroyed my immune system & left me weak & fatigued. I lay awake through endless nights of chronic physical & emotional pain. I watched my strength disappear, I watched my health deteriorate. I went from squatting 100kgs to being unable to hold a cup in one hand, unable to hold a pen, crying because I couldn’t hold my key properly to open the door. I’d get off the train from work and run home so I could climb in to bed and cry, my head and neck (aside from everything else) were in so much pain I couldn’t do anything else. I went on holiday weekends and spent the full time locked in the bathroom of the hotel coughing & crying.

I went from being the healthiest person I knew, to being the unhealthiest. How dare my body betray me like this? After all of the clean eating, workouts, yoga, years of no alcohol. Why me?

I stopped writing my blog… who wants to read a ‘health & fitness blog’ from a girl who can’t walk to the end of the street without feeling like she was going to collapse?

But guess what?

In 2018 I empowered myself by learning about my disease. I read books, I read peer reviewed scientific studies, I listened to podcasts, I changed my mindset. I came off my medications & started taking only herbal & natural supplements. I got my arthritis under control, I made progress with my neuropathy, and most importantly.. I beat cancer !

Whilst dealing with all this I was promoted to customer support team leader, and passed my probation with flying colours. I got back in to a regular gym routine & started practicing yoga again. I started to build my strength back up. I studied to become a personal trainer, passed my exams & got my qualifications ! I moved house.. and then I moved house again.. into a beautiful little apartment with my caring & supportive boyfriend. I didn’t just survive, I thrived.

The reason I’m sharing is not to get sympathy.. I don’t need it. The reason I’m sharing is to give others hope that there is life after diagnosis & to teach others about the battles of chronic disease. To show others that your mindset is absolutely everything.

I accomplished so much last year while simultaneously wondering if I was going to die. I believed in mind over matter anyway, but last year reinforced my beliefs beyond anything I could have ever imagined. Last year completely broke me… physically.. but nothing can break me mentally. Not anymore, that ship has sailed.

I am living proof that when life fucks you over, you CAN come back stronger.

I prayed to God every day to make me strong. Oh boy did he deliver. A few years ago he gave me panic attacks, anxiety disorder & disassociation. I overcame them all & became very mentally strong through that process. Then last year he gave me arthritis, autoimmunity, neuropathy & cancer.. I became even stronger.

This will be my first post of my ‘new but old’ blog. I want to share my journey & show that with the right mindset, YOU can do anything. I’ll share details of my health struggles, how they effect me daily, things I have tried & tested that have helped with the pain. Things that lesson my symptoms, things that make them worse. Yoga practices, workouts, recipes. Some of the old stuff, and some of the new stuff, some of the good stuff, and some of the bad stuff. Hopefully this will also be a place that will ease the suffering of others with autoimmunity by reminding them that they are not alone & allow others to come along on our journey learning more about it themselves.

2018 was a sucky year but sure as hell did I kick it’s ass. Here’s to 2019 !

 

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A blessing in disguise.

It has been such a tough year for me being unable to train for the most part due to being diagnosed with an autoimmune disease (PsA), but at the same time this year has made me so much stronger. Mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Last year I was training because I hated the way my body looked, I was so critical of myself and so hard on myself, and even though I was shredded to death I just wasn’t happy with my physique. I was obsessed with every little detail of my diet and training, and my life was consumed by it. Don’t get me wrong, i was really enjoying it all, but i was also creating a very toxic place in my own mind from being so hard on myself and never feeling satisfied with my progress.

After rapid onset of my disease in July last year, and very quickly getting to a point where my arthritis was so bad I couldn’t even hold my phone, walk properly, or hold a pen, i somehow managing to pull myself around and manage the pain and come off my medications (i’ll post more about how i did this later). I am finally feeling good and I have been back training for the past 7 weeks consistently, my strength and shape are both coming back quicker than I could have imagined and this time round I am training because I LOVE my body and I am amazed at what it can do.

The gym was my whole life, i had a fitness blog for crying out loud, and God took it away from me for a very long time, but it taught me to train for the right reasons and to be so grateful to be able to exercise.

I used to squat 100k and be upset because I hit a plateau, now after not training for almost a year I’m squatting half of that , and I AM SO GRATEFUL, every 50k squat I’m like fuck yeah my body is amazing to be able to do this considering my disease. Every single rep feels like a blessing, every single workout is a tiny miracle.

I have also realized that a few days off from the gym won’t kill me, and neither will a burger or a cocktail. 1 year of not training properly and being sick, yet my shape still looks tops, am I shredded to the bone? No. But am I happy with my body ? YES ! I am looking to improve my physique again, but I am also very happy with where I am at right now. I’m happy in my own skin.

To some people having a life changing and chronic disease might seem like the end of the world. To me, this is just the beginning.

Thank you, for the lessons.

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Escaping the matrix.

CREDENCE
You are in a prison right now, in this very moment; a prison so intelligently designed
that its core feature is to make sure the prisoners don’t know they’re imprisoned. This prison does not look to control you directly through force or strength, but rather indirectly through social and societal pressure. It’s as if we’re born into this world and given the bare minimum of how it operates then told to follow a script. This script goes as follows: go to school, then get a job, then get married, then have children, then retire. Throughout this script we follow each others action and the actions of our parents, ultimately enticing us to get into large sums of debt – buy a new car, buy a nice house, buy name brands, etc. It’s a menagerie of arbitrary miscellanies for the soul, or should I say soulless, purpose of achieving status in a rat race that goes so fast we may as well call it a drop-dead sprint. To those in this trap, these statements seem like the mad ramblings of an angst existentialist, but to someone awakened, it is a brief explanation of the multiple tools and techniques used to keep us prisoners asleep. If you find this hard to believe or understand, I can completely understand, how could anybody know they’re in a prison when there are no bars? How can it be a prison if we’re free to travel and live in any place of our choosing? If you’re reading this, then it is clear that you have started on a path of enlightenment can can see that this world is not functioning the way it should. I have broken chains so well concealed that I didn’t even know they were wrapped around my ankles and I come bearing a key (or a sledgehammer depending on how far indoctrinated into the system you are) for a gran exodus, but we’ll have to dive deep into
the spirit pool. Don’t just read this, take action as well, for without action this may as well be mental masturbation to appease your ego. This is not an attack on a particular person,
religion, or group but rather an expansion to reveal a higher truth of what you know and
believe in. Providence has guided me to bring light to a false truth that keeps “woke” people asleep without them knowing, like a dream that seems so real you mistake it for reality. Beware of serpents that slither into you’re life, for they seek to inject you with a sweet, irresistible venom. This venom keeps you sedated in a daze and, like any drug, you’ll eventually come down, and start to crave for more. These snakes take multifarious forms and can be so deceptive that they fool even themselves into thinking the venom they peddle is for the benefits of others. Once you’ve been bitten, they will haunt you to the ends of the earth to ensure that you are either high on venom or seeking venom. Followers of serpent spiritual leaders are given this venom so they don’t question what is being taught and to feel bad if they begin to doubt what they’re told. If a follower begins to doubt or question what is being taught, they are shut down, instead of encouraged and told ‘Sadly, you are not yet developed enough to really understand what is being said’ or some similar gobbledygook. This is subtle victimization, a key tool used by these snakes, to make you feel like a peon to their spiritual knowledge. It’s hard to imagine that a spiritual “leader” would do something like this as 9 times out of 10 they seem benevolent, but this technique is subtle, so subtle that it bypasses the conscious and goes straight into the subconscious. They present themselves to know/have something you want to know/have and offer you the chance to know/have the same thing. You feel a spiritual ‘high’ as if you’ve gained some kind of insight from this person/group and begin to follow their rhetoric. When this leader is indeed a serpent, you’ll know you’ve been given venom because it will taste irresistibly sweet at first, but becomes disgustingly bitter later on – for example the idea of heaven can be used as venom. The idea of heaven is sweet at first as you imagine living in paradise, joy and abundance. You can almost feel high while imagining having all of your dreams come true and truly believing it can come true, but turns bitter when the idea of hell is taught. There is a bitter contrast between eternal happiness and eternal suffering, keeping you coming back to the church because there is a chance you might just not qualify for heaven and will be doomed to suffer eternally. This is not to say that the churches and religions who preach this rhetoric are inherently evil, but rather the point being that this idea of heaven and hell can be used as a tool to control the followers. The control cycle begins,
because next they tell you that as long as you continue to follow their teaching and
commands, you will surely get into heaven. There is a third part to this venom, and that is it will never give you the same ‘high’ as it did the first time. To continue the example of heaven and hell, the requirements to get into heaven seem impossible for a mere human to follow, so we must always come back to purge ourselves so we don’t loose favor with the eternal judge. We must always come back, over and over, ending up like a rabbit with a carrot on a stick attached to its back, keeping a constant chase for some thing that seems just out of reach. We can expand this to broader concepts such as seeking happiness, peace, joy, abundance, etc. There always seems to be someone who has these things and peddles venom promising that one day you too will receive happiness, peace, joy, abundance, etc. These are all used against you to keep you in a drop dead sprint from the moment you’re born so you constantly seek, but never quite reach, a prison for your mind and soul.
AGREEMENTS
The use of venom and control is part of an agenda, this agenda’s goal is to control the
way you behave by getting followers stuck in a ‘Starseed Trap’. Allow me clarify what I mean by “starseed”: a starseed is an individual, here on the earth plane (in a three dimensional human body), whose soul originated from another planet, star system, galaxy, dimension, or a parallel universe. That is NOT to say you are not human, for you’re reading this with a pair of human eyes, scrolling with your thumbs on a phone screen or computer mouse, using your human brain to interpret these words, and what-not; but rather it IS to say that your soul is of this world but not from it. Generally Starseeds feel separate – as if they don’t l belong here, and often have a longing to return home without knowing where home is. However, deep within, they are connected with Unity Consciousness, a consciousness that reinforces you to act in ways that unite you to nature/God/Source/Jah (personally, I like to call it The Way, The Way is the natural order of life). Over time starseeds awaken to who they are; when fully activated and free from programming, starseeds are powerful light beings, spiritual warriors, and other agents of change. As you can imagine, uncontrolled powerful beings of light living in sovereign integrity can rock the foundations of a corrupt society simply with their lifestyles.
Starseed are susceptible to programmed belief systems and often fall victim to a complete belief system restructuring to ensure this potential is kept locked away. This restructuring takes your natural connection to The Way and turns it all topsy-turvy so you feel like that connection is gone and you need a middle man to connect you to The Way. Once in a control group, starseeds begin to believe that everything they are told is the only truth and all other sources of knowledge should be ignored and rejected. In the Starseed Trap we see all kinds of sickly control tools such as ‘the Dark Mother’, victimization, narcissism, artificial intelligence (A.I.), and transhumanism. These tools are cleverly disguised in reversal programs forcing members into doubt themselves so they continually give their power away to others who they believe know more than they do. When Starseeds enter these kinds of groups they, unconsciously, enter into an “Agreement of Entrapment”. What is an Agreement of Entrapment?
The most powerful universal law is the law of agreement. You must teach yourself to
become aware of all agreements that you make, as all agreements are valid through time and space, on all dimensions. If your body and your soul are not in agreement, then your body will be in disease (dis-at-ease). This disease manifests within your subtle energy bodies first, then manifest into the physical world. The physical world may be full of confusion, disease, and imbalance of free flowing energy if agreements are not kept. All things come first from the invisible, then transmute into this visible world of solid matter. The Way made an agreement with your soul to incarnate in this dimension, this agreement resulted in the manifestation from the invisible world into the visible world, creating your physical body. Manifestation can be achieved by any two independent naturally occurring frequencies that join together in agreement. A resonance occurs as their high and low opposites are reached simultaneously, both frequencies vibrate in unison and the waveform created by the two frequencies will exceed that which either could produce independently. Although this sounds complicated, in reality it’s absurdly simple – it is a merging duality. A new entity is created by the joint
  agreement and intent of both A and B, forming a new entity AB. The formula goes: A + B = AB – it is literally that simple. When one agrees to integrate with another, a pyramid is formed: the first point is A, the second point is B, and the third point is AB. The entity created, AB, will always have an influence from the invisible after it’s created. For example, child is created when mom (A) and dad (B) have sex with the intention of making a child (AB); this baby will be influenced by its own spirit along with the influences of mom and dad. So, you may be wondering why is it addition, instead of multiplication? Wouldn’t A*B equal AB? And wouldn’t A+B=C? Multiplication implies a fusion of two entities to create a new entity, resulting in the destruction of A and B. For example, if you blended fruit (A) and ice (B) together, the fruit and ice will be destroyed but you will get a smoothie (AB) from the fusion. When entities are added together, the original entities are not destroyed, but rather combine to form something new. For example, when you make a sandwich you are adding ingredients together without
destroying them – bread (A) plus ham (B) combine to make a sandwich (AB). Keep in mind that the ‘addition’ is not a literal combination, but rather a similar intention that brings A and B together.
Now lets take a step further – pretend you got a new job at a company. Your intention is
to make money (e.g. a paycheck) and your boss’ intention is to make money (e.g. profits).
Together you have agreed to form a company (A [you] +B [your boss] =AB [the company])
with the soul intention to make money. Although you both have the same intention of
manifesting money, the money itself comes from a single source. Without realizing it, you’ve co-created a siphon of energy and intend to turn this energy into money – recall to what I mentioned earlier about how everything first comes from the invisible then manifests into the visible. You (A) take energy (money) from people, then your (B)
boss takes the energy you gathered and gives back a smaller portion of that energy (your paycheck). The thing is, the siphon of energy (AB) is now an entity of the company as well, as you both agreed to create it through your intentions. That is to say, you and your boss manifested a siphon of ENERGY through your intentions and this manifestation comes out in unforeseen was such as coming home tired every day, needing coffee in the mornings just to get by, getting into fights with co-workers, etc. Recall that it’s not physical money being siphoned, but rather energy (an invisible force) that eventually manifests as money. As you can imagine, the combinations for co-creation are infinite and must be precise so you don’t agree to entrap yourself. This is how starseed traps are manifested, how the matrix is manifested, and why it can be so easy for serpents to hide these traps in plain sight. Starseeds whom do not realize that their energy is being siphoned off become less and less able to see or release themselves from Starseed Traps or connect directly to The Way. Have you ever tried using a flashlight when the batteries were low? You are light, here to illuminate the dark, but when your batteries are low, you too will shine dimly. Starseeds are often trapped through their sense of wanting to heal other people, timelines, and other lifetimes. They often find themselves spending far too much time outside their body, processing parts of consciousness that are not even all theirs to deal with! The need to feel important and to work towards healing the planet and healing the whole, which is admirable, often ends up becoming confusing clutter. Any work done is contained in a kind of stasis field where no growth is possible, and the “work” is presented again and again, over and over, ad infinitum. This repetitive works makes you feel as if your accomplishing something, when in actuality you have yourself stuck in a hamster wheel. A Starseed will believe they are working on their own ascension when they are not and at the same time having their energy siphoned
off. They are in a trap without knowing it, designed to keep them slogging away and feeling great misery as they do so. How many people do you know complain about feeling tired all the time? Have you ever felt a kind of tiredness that sleep can not fix? Like a wet blanket hanging around your shoulders. Ask around, and you’ll be surprised how many people have this feeling without having the ability to put it into words.
SERPENTS 
Female serpents in leadership roles within these groups are operating the ‘Dark Mother’
reversals and harvest the energy of the group through emotional manipulation. Now do not confuse this as an attack on female leadership, for there is a significant difference between a spirited female leader and a Dark Mother. Dark Mothers complain that their role is a self-sacrificing one, a martyrdom, and that they are constantly attacked for the work they do in order to elicit an outpouring of love and support from their group. The Dark Mother’s story is one of victimization and betrayal, pleading “why can’t we all be nice and support one another?”. This is set up to directly activate the victim program in her followers and opens the door for siphoning to occur; the emotional out-pour is gobbled up in a grotesque gluttony. Dark Mothers love, feed on, and perpetuate as much drama as possible so the emotional charge from their followers is maximized. The Dark Mother (A) works with her group (B)
to create a siphon of emotional energy (AB) as the intention is to provide “support” for
one-another.
SIGNS OF A SERPENTS VENOM:
-Feel we acted in a certain way that is not our normal way of behaving, usually in an outburst of emotion.
-Doing or saying things and wondering why, as if we are on auto-pilot.
-Speaking or focusing on something painful but can’t tell where it’s coming from, as if it came from another dimension, lifetime, or timeline.
-Feeling superior to others through our beliefs.
-We can’t free ourselves from a situation/group without guilt.
-Feeling like a victim or that we have been sacrificed, crucified, or are martyrs.
-Heavily defending our life story or our suffering at the hands of ET interference.
EXODUS
The first step to removing ourselves from these traps is by coming back into ourselves
and becoming grounded. The sun will still rise and the earth won’t stop spinning if you stop for a moment and take a breather. The second step is to find your foundation; who you are, why you are here, and what your purpose is – NONE OF THESE CAN BE ANSWERED BY OUTSIDE SOURCES. We have to come into our own power through understanding ourselves, when we understand we become aware of where our energy goes, and through this understanding we begin to control our energy instead of giving it away. When we begin to know ourselves and what is truly in our heart we move on to the third step, to live in integrity. Through living in integrity we find our connection with our inner God Self and The Way. The venom will wear away when we no longer give the serpents any power, energy, or attention. Live in integrity, know that what happens to you happens through providence to further your spiritual growth; never live in fear for auspicious signs are in place. Let’s get out of Babylon, my family, for the way out appears, when you begin to listen to your inner voice and connect with The Way. By working together we can co-create a grand exodus from this matrix and traps we’ve been bamboozled into. I’ve been stuck in this trap multiple times before, it becomes elementary and unmistakable over time. My warrior method involves mastery of the
self before all things, for Starseeds are sovereign beings with immense potential. Once you have mastered and understood yourself, the world stops being a scary matrix of traps and inhumanities, and transmutes into a canvas for you to create anything you can possibly imagine.
“Although this life is nice, we should live in in preparation
for the next one, so I’m writing these revelations
so that when I become an ancestor my reincarnation
can find peace in this world of devastation” – D’Rok
Thankyou so much @ethereal.creations for sharing your knowledge with us, i am truly grateful.
Highest blessings,
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Recommended Podcasts.

Since I started video logging throughout the day I have been mentioning what podcasts I have been listening to and have had so many people messaging me directly to ask what podcasts I would recommend so I thought I would write a post with my favourite podcasts.

I listen to podcasts all day every day, when i’m getting ready, while i’m travelling to and from work, when i’m in the gym, when i’m writing for my blog, when i’m cleaning, basically as much as I possibly can. I think podcasts are such a great way to get new information, I love to be always learning about new things, always hearing different opinions, always expanding my knowledge on any subjects that interest me. Sometimes in today’s busy life it can be hard to sit down and read endless books on subjects that interest you but with podcasts you can listen to up to date discussions from experts in the industry while you go about your day to day business. This is why I love to listen to fitness and nutrition based podcasts to gain as much knowledge as possible. Of course it can’t always be learning all the time we’ve got to have that bit of laughter to, which is why I also have a few podcasts from comedians which I regularly listen to just for those real big belly laughs.

Here are a list of my favourite podcasts at the moment. I’m always chopping and changing what I listen to and these ones below are in no particular order, these are just the podcasts that I am currently listening to at the moment. There’s a good mixture in there so I’m sure there will be something for everyone!  Also if anybody has any podcast suggestions for me I am all ears I’d love to find some new ones so drop me a message if you know of any you think I might benefit from.

  1. Joe Rogan Experience – Definitely my favourite podcast at the moment, mainly because he has such a wide variety of different guests on the show and it is so regular that there is always something new and interesting to listen to. He always has guests on talking in depth about different areas of fitness and nutrition, psychedelics, spirituality, sports and so much more.
  2. Found My Fitness, Dr Rhonda Patrick – Nutrition and how it affects our health is one of my biggest interests. Dr Rhonda Patrick lays down the facts on her podcast with the ins and outs of nutrition and how it affects our health, diseases, cancer, ageing, basically how nutrition is the key to everything. She also talks a lot about different supplements/products/fasting techniques/fads etc to give the low down on each one and her educated opinion on them.
  3. Danny Lennon, Sigma Nutrition – All things fitness related, training and nutrition wise. Danny Lennon has guests who discuss at length different topics in relation to fat loss, physique athletes, competitive cutting, cutting for women, fat loss plateaus and so much more. For anyone interested in fitness and more specifically bodybuilding this is a great one to listen to.
  4. The Ricky Gervais Show – Now this one is purely for the laughs. We’ve all heard of Karl Pilkington An Idiot Abroad, right? Well rewind to how Ricky & Steve met Karl Pilkington was when Karl was producing their radio show XFM. They thought he was that hilarious that they decided to start a podcast just the 3 of them, that’s when The Ricky Gervais Show was born. No matter how many times I have listened to every single one of these I still laugh my head off so much every time, it never gets old.
  5. Duncan Trussell Family Hour – A mixture between the most fascinating of topics and rambles of randomness. Duncan is such a fascinating guy and he always talks about deeply spiritual subjects. His views on psychedelics, virtual reality and different dimensions are just a few of the reasons I love to listen to his podcast, also for the laughs of course.
  6. Skeptic Tank, Ari Shaffir – Ari is a regular guest on The Joe Rogan Experience which is how I got listening to his podcast. Such an interesting character and a little ‘out there’ as well as a good joker his podcast is always a good listen.
  7. The Church of Whats Happening Now, Joey Diaz – Another regular on The Joe Rogan Experience, Joey Diaz is absolutely hilarious and man has he lived a crazy life! Any and all of his stories have me rolling on the floor laughing, mostly just because of the animated and fiery way in which he tells them. Always a good listen and it always has me in knots laughing, listen to one podcast and you will see exactly what I mean by his story telling.
  8. The True Geordie Podcast – The main reason I listen to this podcast is because hearing a Geordie accent just gives me that familiar ‘home’ comfort feeling. But the guys on this podcast always cover up to date and interesting topics and of course the magpies regularly crop up and football in general, Geordies through and through.

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New Beginnings.

As most of you will know by now i recently handed my notice in at my job of 2.5 years.

I’ve had a great time there but over this past year i’ve been feeling kind of stuck. I felt a long time ago that i had gotten everything i could from this job, there was nothing more that i could do here, no new skills to learn, no room to progress and grow. It started making me feel really bored and unhappy, so i finally bit the bullet and started applying for new jobs.

Luckily something fell right into my lap and very quickly i got an amazing new job offer. I’m so excited to start this new chapter in my life and this new job is exactly what i was praying for. Last year was very tough for me, a lot of ups and downs but i somehow managed to power through and this year things are looking so much better.

Last year there were a lot of days where i struggled to find a reason to get out of bed in the morning, a lot of days where i was afraid to talk to anybody and i was afraid that things would never get better. Around me everybody would have thought i was the happiest person ever but that’s just because i was afraid to tell anyone what was going on in my head in case they told me i was crazy. The best decision i ever made was to confide in a friend and to get help. Its been a long road so far and i’m not naive enough to think that my troubles are behind me, anybody who has suffered with mental health will know its an uphill battle where you get knocked back down again and again.

So far in 2017 i feel like one good thing has been happening after another, it feels almost to good to be true. My blog has been doing amazing, my training is going really well, i’ve had a few photo shoots, and most of all i feel happy again. Unfortunately with anxiety there’s always that little voice in my head telling me this won’t last, something will go wrong. What i’ve came to realize is that that little voice is probably right, the good times don’t last forever, but neither do the bad times. Life is fleeting and no matter what happens nothing lasts forever.

So while all of these good things are happening to me i’m going to focus on vibrating higher, live right in this moment and appreciate every single good thing that is happening to me right now. The big things and the small, getting a new job and finding a lucky cent. Because they all matter and they all make me smile and it’s these things that manage to keep me going even in my darkest days.

One thing that has really helped me in not being so worried about the future is how i have such an amazing group of friends who have been so good to me through everything. On days when i have felt low and felt empty, its my friends who have helped raise me back up and fill me back up with love.

It’s weird how much things can change in one year, how your perception can change. I once remember writing that life is not meant to be lived in pain. Oh how naive i feel now for writing that, but that’s genuinely what i thought at the time. Now i realize that that’s what life is, it’s painful and it’s unfair. We just have to not let that pain consume us and drag us under. For it’s the pain that makes us who we are. The pain makes us stronger.

So here’s to new beginnings. Here’s to 2017. Here’s to being stronger than ever.

Even in my lowest lows I have unwavering faith that the universe has my back.

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Eternal Optimist.

So after taking a 2 month hiatus from my blog, I finally re discovered my passion for writing and remembered why I started this thing in the first place.

Last year was so tough for me. I found out that I’m not superwoman. I had to admit that i am only human (i know, shocker) and that maybe i had taken on to much at once. But hey, God loves a trier right?

Anyhow, after a midyear mental break down, lots of sleepless nights, millions of tears, countless panic attacks, months of being in denial and pretending i was fine, depression and anxiety, I finally admitted I wasn’t ok. I took some time off from work, time off from the gym, time off from writing my blog. At the time this seemed to me like my absolute worst nightmare, I didn’t want to slow down or stop doing all of these things but it was important for my health, mental & physical.

It’s weird because everybody else could see it at the time, everybody was telling me Kirsty your way to hard on yourself, your taking on to much, stop trying to please everybody, you need to rest. But of course I didn’t listen.

We all make mistakes, Christ I’ve made some whopper ones, and I’m pretty sure I’m going to make plenty more. But you know what? To be old and wise you first have to be young and stupid. Good judgement comes from experience, and experience.. well that comes from bad judgement. So here’s to many more mistakes. Making mistakes doesn’t matter, what matters is if you don’t learn from them and you keep on making the same mistakes.

Sounds grim I know, not my usually positivity. But actually, after being forced to confront all of the ways I was holding myself back, after being forced to admit that I needed help after struggling in silence, somewhere in that dark dark place… I found myself.

So this past few months have been a journey of self-discovery for me. The biggest thing has been learning to not be so hard on myself and to stop being a people pleaser and to just do things for me. I’m learning a lot about the real me, and within that I rediscovered my passion for writing. So I’m back to writing my blog, but it’s going to be a little different this time. Still based on fitness / spirituality, but this time I’m going to be more honest and write about what is really going on. The highs and the lows.

If you look back in my blog posts from last year you won’t see any mention of how much I was suffering, I wasn’t intentionally hiding it but like I said I was in denial. I’ve never been one to ask for help, or even admit when I need it. I am fiercely independent. I had so many people asking me why I hadn’t wrote for my blog in a few weeks, if everything was ok, I just didn’t know what to tell people. So I finally decided you don’t need to tell people anything, just be honest. So that’s what this is.

It’s weird because even after the hardest year of my life, having days where I couldn’t leave the house or go to work, days when I thought I just can’t do this anymore, days where i wondered if I maybe wasn’t strong enough. Now I’m actually better than I ever have been. Never in my life have I been so honest and true to myself, and it’s a wonderful feeling.

Rock bottom is a pretty good place to build a solid foundation. So that’s exactly what I did. And now I’m working on building myself back up, brick by brick, stronger than I was before. I remind myself every day – I got this.

Whilst suffering with a list of mental health issues along with over all a really challenging year, I still managed to keep my optimism no matter what. That’s one thing that will never be taken away from me.

I guess if one person reads this and can relate, or one person feels motivated by it, or one person who is suffering with mental health takes anything at all away from me blogging about this, then it was worth writing. I just want to do me and hopefully inspire and empower some people along the way, the reason i started my blog in the first place.

Love and Light.

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The mask.

It just hurts so much.

Oh the shame of being you.

& so you detached and you wore a mask every day.

You wore it so well that you even believed it yourself.

It was the only way to survive, the only way you knew how.

 

So what happens now?

What happens now you know?

 

Do you choose authenticity?

Or do you pick up another mask?

 

You do have a choice.

& you start by being honest with yourself.

 

But if i take off the mask…. who am i? How do i know who i was before the world told me who i should be?

 

Your a survivor. Start there.

survivor 5_0