1 year Cancer free.

It has been exactly 1 year since I got the all clear and what an amazing year it has been. I completed my coaching diploma, started my yoga teacher training course and most importantly I completely transformed in so many ways.

It’s amazing how when you get a life changing diagnosis every other worry you had becomes obsolete. That person in work who annoys you. That project your behind on. Any conflict with your significant other. Money worries. Self limiting beliefs. Everything else just disappears and you suddenly realise how it wasn’t really important in the first place. Suddenly you realise that the only thing that ever mattered was your health.

This is something that has really changed my perspective on the world. In the years leading up to this I suffered with auto-immunity and arthritis so I already knew that if your suffering with a chronic condition and with chronic pain it takes over completely and can be so hard to get into the right headspace to break free from the cage of being trapped within your condition. Being diagnosed with cancer allowed me to break free from that cycle.

From the date of my first surgery, through my diagnosis, getting the all clear, getting the ‘not actually all clear’, to a second surgery and the final all clear it all happened so fast and was such a whirlwind experience. I can’t even begin to put in to words the pain and deep soul felt sobs that happened during that time. Every single second of every day I was praying to God to heal me of this and visualising the outcome that I wanted and thanking him for all of the blessings in my life so far. I realised during this time of uncertainty that the things that would usually bother me suddenly didn’t bother me any more. In work, at home, in general – if something happened that would usually cause me to get stressed out, I just accepted it and moved on, it didn’t matter.

After getting the all clear this shift in perspective really stayed with me and because of this I began a complete transformation into a happier, healthier and more free version of myself. I realised the things that truly matter and let the things go that didn’t. Of course i’m only human and slip back in to worry and anxious thoughts from time to time, don’t we all? But i’m very quick to recognise it now and bring myself back in to a more positive and uplifting mindset. This change in mindset not only helped me achieve freedom from anxiety and my self limiting beliefs, but on a physical level I feel better than I have done in years. I actually forget some days that I have an autoimmune disease at all, i’m too busy loving every minute of life and thanking God that I am healthy enough to live it. I still suffer with chronic pain but I am no longer consumed by it. I still have an autoimmune disease but the autoimmune disease no longer has me.

This past year has been amazing for me and I know that this is just the beginning. I have always wanted to help people become better versions of themselves and help them to improve their mental, physical & spiritual wellbeing. After living and breathing such a transformation myself I now know that the rest of my life will be devoted to helping others achieve the same kind of freedom in any way that they need it. I am here to serve.

What is self care and why do we need reminders?

Self care seems to be becoming a bit of a trend at the moment & this is one trend i am 100% on board with. One thing i have noticed though is that i see a lot of self care hashtags and promotion, but not a lot of information or detail explaining why self care is so important, or why some people struggle with self care.

Self care is something that has to be learned and is not an ‘automatic instinct’ like one might think. Your self care habits are often learned from adults in your family growing up and this can cause quite a lot of issues. If you are coming from an abusive household, self care will be so far down on your list of priorities that it could even be completely non existent. By abusive i don’t just mean physical abuse, i also refer to neglect, mental abuse, emotional abuse, manipulation, narcissistic abuse and all other types. Some people might not even be aware that they have suffered abuse, it can be so subtle and sneaky that many adult children of abusive families will suffer without ever realising why or without ever realising that what happened to them was wrong. This can also happen as an adult in abusive / codependent relationships. When in an abusive relationship often the abused will be trying so hard to keep the other person happy or to meet their partners needs that they will completely forget about their own self care and eventually end up a broken shell of the person they once where.

But lack of self care doesn’t always come from this. There are many people who come from happy households, have loving families & have never been in an abusive relationship, but they also struggle with self care. Maybe their loving parents were working long hours throughout their childhood to support them, but this left little room for support growing up and little time to observe and learn about SC. Maybe they are motivated and want to do well in work and progress their career, so they think that by focusing all of their time and energy on education and work they will improve their lives and get that job position they have always wanted. Maybe they have low self esteem and so SC is not something they actually care about.

To some people this might come so naturally that when they see ‘self care’ posts, or ‘tips on self care’ articles they might wonder, why would anyone need tips on that? But the truth is that it does not come naturally to us all & there are many different reasons why one might struggle with SC.

I myself struggled a lot with SC up until the age of 22/23 when i ended up in counselling and psychotherapy for other reasons. I genuinely didn’t know that SC was an issue for me until i’m sat in the chair face to face with my therapist and she asks me ‘what have you done for yourself this week?’. Well i didn’t know what to say or how to answer her. I didn’t even really know what she was asking me. We talked and talked and she was asking me a lot of questions like ‘when was the last time you pampered yourself, when was the last time you had a massage, when was the last time you had a hot bath and read a book, when was the last time you had your hair done, when was the last time you had a girls night or a movie night, when was the last time you cooked yourself a really nice meal, what’s your daily routine like?’ Most importantly.. and this is the one that changed my life in a massive way was she asked me ‘when was the last time you said no?’

Try this little exercise –

Step 1 – Fold an A4 piece of paper in half length ways. On the left side, make a list of all of the things you have done for others this week. Such as, giving somebody a lift, helping a colleague with a difficult task, collecting something for your partner on your way home, helping get your younger siblings ready and off to school, a few hours overtime to help out at work. Anything at all that you have done for others, add it to your list.

Step 2 – Now on the right side of the paper, i want you to make a list of all of the things you have done for yourself this week. Such as, a hot bubble bath with candles, saying no to working late because you were tired, asking for help with something if you need it, cooking your favourite meal instead of everyone else’s favourite meals, trying out a face mask and soaking your feet, reading a novel.

Step 3 – Now compare both sides of the paper. Are they even? Remember that although it is important to help others when you can & it feels nice to give and to do things for your loved ones. It is is even more important to help yourself & to ask for help if you need it. Let others do things for you sometimes, but most of all do nice things for yourself. You can’t pour from an empty cup, so ensure that your own cup is full before doing things for others so that your not left running on empty. Find a good balance between giving to others & also letting them return the favour and give/help you.

Self care doesn’t have to be fancy, it doesn’t have to be big, it doesn’t have to be expensive. Sometimes self care can be ‘treating yourself’ but sometimes self care can be the simple daily things that we sometimes forget to do when we are feeling down, such as washing our hair or drinking water.

See below my go to list of self care options/reminders, let me know if you have any other ideas that i can add to the list –

  • Hot bubble bath with salts & essential oils.
  • Epsom salt foot soak.
  • Clay face mask & skin care routine.
  • Say NO to things you do not want.
  • Switch your phone off and stay off social media.
  • Read a good book (not a self help book – get lost in a novel).
  • Buying fresh socks & pyjamas.
  • Have a hot chocolate with cream.
  • Cook your favourite meal.
  • Meal prep.
  • Ask for help !
  • Put some music on, sing, dance & be playful.
  • A walk in nature.
  • Go to bed early. SLEEP is the best medicine.
  • Meditate.
  • Yoga.
  • Talk to someone. A friend, a colleague, a pet, a therapist.
  • Write / journal. There’s nothing better than getting it all off your chest.
  • Floatation therapy. This one is my absolute favourite.
  • A cup of herbal tea. Drink it mindfully.
  • Watch your favourite childhood movie.
  • Pamper yourself at home.
  • Get a massage.
  • Wash your hair, cut your nails, moisturise your body.
  • Put some music on and do your chores / clean. This sounds like a weird one, but for me personally i always feel great when everything is clean and tidy and the chores are finished. However if you are already worn out and drained, the chores can wait.
  • Reassess your priorities.
  • Throw out that ‘to do list’.
  • Go to the gym or exercise at home.
  • Drink water.
  • Breathe. Take a few mindful deep breathes, practice some pranayama.
  • Get a reiki treatment, or even try taking the reiki level one course so you can give yourself reiki.
  • Watch or listen to something funny (The Ricky Gervais Podcast is my go-to).
  • Take yourself for a nice day out / meal / or weekend trip.

There are so many ways to practice self care and a lot of people won’t need a list or reminders. I need them. I often get caught up in work / my career & doing things for others and forget to take time out for me. So this post is for you, whoever needs it, but also a little reminder for me so i can check back regularly and make sure i am ticking a few things off this list. Now take some time out and celebrate you, you deserve it.

 

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Second time lucky.

***08/02/19***

I’m writing this laid up in bed recovering after having my second surgery on my knee last week.

Let’s rewind..

Last year I had a surgery on my right knee to remove a melanoma. It was sent around to several specialists in Ireland and one specialist in Holland and finally they got back to me and said they all agreed they got it all the first time around, no further surgery needed. Massive sigh of relief ! I can’t even begin to explain the emotions felt at hearing you have Cancer and waiting to find out if it has spread or not. Anxiety, fear, dread, grief, panic, to name a few ! The weight that lifted off my shoulders when I got the call from my Dr to say they got it all the first time around was palpable.

Fast-forward to the end of January..

I then got a call from the hospital only two weeks ago to tell me actually no, your Dr shouldn’t have advised you that and we need to see you again ASAP. I argued blind with the nurse on the phone God bless her.. ‘no you’ve made a mistake my Dr told me you got it all’.. ‘I got the all clear back in December’.. ‘are you sure you have the most up to date records’.. ‘can you check and see if you have the results from all 3 specialists there as they confirmed that it was all gone?’. She had to repeat to me several times that she had my most up to date record and then she advised they recently had a board meeting where they discussed my latest results and the hospital decided that further surgery would be necessary. You couldn’t make this shit up!

I was back in the hospital two days later meeting my oncologist surgeon & discussing my treatment plan. He wanted to take a wider margin from the area and send that off for further testing, no risks being taken here.

1 week later I was in the Vincent Private having my second surgery. It all went well but the surgery was a lot bigger this time and a lot more painful so I’ve been laid up in bed for the past week recovering and keeping my leg elevated.

I was advised to pop back in to the dressing clinic yesterday so they could check the wound as I was worried it wasn’t healing as well as last time. The nurse was so careful with it and told me that it does seem inflamed and it was still bleeding slightly (which it shouldn’t be). Due to the scar being right on the inside of my knee she said I need to be very careful to keep my leg straight and put no pressure on it as bending/pressure can cause it not to heal properly. So that’s me in bed for another few days now before I even think of leaving the house.

To say I’m bored shitless is an understatement. I’m usually so active with work, gym, yoga, walks & cycling. Lying in bed for 8 days straight so far is not going down well but I really do need to make sure this heals well so for a change I’m actually listening to the Drs advice.

On the plus side, I’ve been getting lots of reading done & have finally found the time to stitch missing buttons back on dresses & shirts I have had lying around for a while. Little tiny positives right?

My results should be back next week. I’m staying positive and hoping that my Oncologist was just being very thorough by performing a second surgery but until then… fingers crossed & praying.

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Life after diagnosis.

In 2018 I was diagnosed with autoimmunity (PsA), neuropathy & skin cancer.

I went through months of harsh medications that destroyed my immune system & left me weak & fatigued. I lay awake through endless nights of chronic physical & emotional pain. I watched my strength disappear, I watched my health deteriorate. I went from squatting 100kgs to being unable to hold a cup in one hand, unable to hold a pen, crying because I couldn’t hold my key properly to open the door. I’d get off the train from work and run home so I could climb in to bed and cry, my head and neck (aside from everything else) were in so much pain I couldn’t do anything else. I went on holiday weekends and spent the full time locked in the bathroom of the hotel coughing & crying.

I went from being the healthiest person I knew, to being the unhealthiest. How dare my body betray me like this? After all of the clean eating, workouts, yoga, years of no alcohol. Why me?

I stopped writing my blog… who wants to read a ‘health & fitness blog’ from a girl who can’t walk to the end of the street without feeling like she was going to collapse?

But guess what?

In 2018 I empowered myself by learning about my disease. I read books, I read peer reviewed scientific studies, I listened to podcasts, I changed my mindset. I came off my medications & started taking only herbal & natural supplements. I got my arthritis under control, I made progress with my neuropathy, and most importantly.. I beat cancer !

Whilst dealing with all this I was promoted to customer support team leader, and passed my probation with flying colours. I got back in to a regular gym routine & started practicing yoga again. I started to build my strength back up. I studied to become a personal trainer, passed my exams & got my qualifications ! I moved house.. and then I moved house again.. into a beautiful little apartment with my caring & supportive boyfriend. I didn’t just survive, I thrived.

The reason I’m sharing is not to get sympathy.. I don’t need it. The reason I’m sharing is to give others hope that there is life after diagnosis & to teach others about the battles of chronic disease. To show others that your mindset is absolutely everything.

I accomplished so much last year while simultaneously wondering if I was going to die. I believed in mind over matter anyway, but last year reinforced my beliefs beyond anything I could have ever imagined. Last year completely broke me… physically.. but nothing can break me mentally. Not anymore, that ship has sailed.

I am living proof that when life fucks you over, you CAN come back stronger.

I prayed to God every day to make me strong. Oh boy did he deliver. A few years ago he gave me panic attacks, anxiety disorder & disassociation. I overcame them all & became very mentally strong through that process. Then last year he gave me arthritis, autoimmunity, neuropathy & cancer.. I became even stronger.

This will be my first post of my ‘new but old’ blog. I want to share my journey & show that with the right mindset, YOU can do anything. I’ll share details of my health struggles, how they effect me daily, things I have tried & tested that have helped with the pain. Things that lesson my symptoms, things that make them worse. Yoga practices, workouts, recipes. Some of the old stuff, and some of the new stuff, some of the good stuff, and some of the bad stuff. Hopefully this will also be a place that will ease the suffering of others with autoimmunity by reminding them that they are not alone & allow others to come along on our journey learning more about it themselves.

2018 was a sucky year but sure as hell did I kick it’s ass. Here’s to 2019 !

 

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A blessing in disguise.

It has been such a tough year for me being unable to train for the most part due to being diagnosed with an autoimmune disease (PsA), but at the same time this year has made me so much stronger. Mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Last year I was training because I hated the way my body looked, I was so critical of myself and so hard on myself, and even though I was shredded to death I just wasn’t happy with my physique. I was obsessed with every little detail of my diet and training, and my life was consumed by it. Don’t get me wrong, i was really enjoying it all, but i was also creating a very toxic place in my own mind from being so hard on myself and never feeling satisfied with my progress.

After rapid onset of my disease in July last year, and very quickly getting to a point where my arthritis was so bad I couldn’t even hold my phone, walk properly, or hold a pen, i somehow managing to pull myself around and manage the pain and come off my medications (i’ll post more about how i did this later). I am finally feeling good and I have been back training for the past 7 weeks consistently, my strength and shape are both coming back quicker than I could have imagined and this time round I am training because I LOVE my body and I am amazed at what it can do.

The gym was my whole life, i had a fitness blog for crying out loud, and God took it away from me for a very long time, but it taught me to train for the right reasons and to be so grateful to be able to exercise.

I used to squat 100k and be upset because I hit a plateau, now after not training for almost a year I’m squatting half of that , and I AM SO GRATEFUL, every 50k squat I’m like fuck yeah my body is amazing to be able to do this considering my disease. Every single rep feels like a blessing, every single workout is a tiny miracle.

I have also realized that a few days off from the gym won’t kill me, and neither will a burger or a cocktail. 1 year of not training properly and being sick, yet my shape still looks tops, am I shredded to the bone? No. But am I happy with my body ? YES ! I am looking to improve my physique again, but I am also very happy with where I am at right now. I’m happy in my own skin.

To some people having a life changing and chronic disease might seem like the end of the world. To me, this is just the beginning.

Thank you, for the lessons.

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Smudging.

I performed a shamanic smudging ceremony in my house tonight, in preparation for the full moon. Tonights/tomorrow’s full moon is in scorpio which brings the souls darker elements to the surface to be faced, transmuted or released. Primal feelings, taboo subjects and suppressed emotions may come to the surface, by releasing them we can transform and become empowered. This can help us to relate to others more easily. Although the work has to be done internally, there are some external sources that can help us through this process, such as smudging.

Smoke has always been used as a tool in ceremonies by Shamans and Native Americans for cleansing and purifying. It’s a great way to clear out negative energies and by burning certain herbs we can negatively ionize our air with the smoke. In this instance I’m going to talk about using smoke from a smudging stick.

Negative Ionization.

When an atom or molecule has an equal number of protons and electrons, it is balanced or neutral. If an electron is lost the atom becomes positively charged. If an electron is gained, it becomes negatively charged.

Molecules that are negatively charged are very good for the environment. They are the ions that we find more of in sparsely populated areas, out in nature. This is one of the reasons why being out in nature can act as an antidepressant and lift the mood, why walking through a forest can be so refreshing and uplifting. Because there are so many negative ions in the air.

As you can probably gather from this, in overpopulated areas such as cities where there are fewer negative ions and possibly more positive ions, this can contribute to a more negative feeling and a depressive mood.

With smudging we are clearing away the positive ions (that affect us negatively and depress our mood). By smudging we actually change the ions from positive to negative. So we are literally changing the energy of the air around us from energy that depresses us or can hold negative vibrations or feelings, into air that makes us feel refreshed, positive, uplifting and can actually act as a scientifically proven antidepressant.

Might I also add that allergens are held in air that contains lots of positive ions. So by smudging and changing the air we can clear away allergens from our homes. So this is especially good for anybody who gets very congested or suffers with sinus problems like me.

Preparation.

To smudge your house all you need is a smudging stick, a bowl for the embers to drop into and a lighter. You can buy smudging sticks online or in most holistic/health store and they are made of dried herbs, usually sage or cedar. I personally would recommend a stick made from white sage & lavender combined.

It isn’t necessary to have any music on whilst smudging however i always like to play solfeggio frequencies especially designed and tuned to expel negative energies, cleanse and heal. Frequencies best suited to this kind of work are between 417hz & 528hz.

Smudging.

Begin by closing all of the windows in the house. Light the end of your smudging stick and hold it upside down to let the flames go through and catch inside before gently blowing it out so it is just left smoking. Make sure you hold your smudging stick over a bowl or plate at all times as hot embers will fall off. Start from the back of the house and work your way forward so that you end up near the front door last. I like to do this downstairs first of all and then upstairs next, however either way is fine.

Start by going into the corner of the room and holding the smudging stick up towards the corner and gently wafting it if necessary, let the smoke fill up that corner/area of the room. Slowly walk around the room in a clockwise direction letting the smoke fill up the corners, let it drift over anything you pass or anything that you want to be cleansed. It is always good to visualise the negative energy being burned away or consumed by the smoke and to set intentions and a clear purpose for this cleanse. For example whilst smudging you can be thinking in your head i want to expel any negative or unwanted energies and vibrations, i want to raise the vibration of this home, i want to cleanse this space, i want to get rid of anything that does not serve the people who live here.

After going around the full room and in all of the corners you need to seal it. If there are any vents or windows in the room go around them in a clockwise direction with the smudging stick and set an intention by just saying in your head as you do it that you want to seal the window/vent to stop any negative energies or vibrations from entering. Leave the doorway leading out of the room until last. Before leaving the room go around the door on the inside using the same intention to seal it from negative energies entering. Make sure when you leave the room you close the door behind you and then seal the door again from the outside.

Continue with this full process throughout the full downstairs and then the full upstairs of the house and once you are finished you will end up at the front door. Now starting from the bottom of the front door and working your way upwards waft the smoke and smudging stick in a sweeping/pushing motion and imagine yourself pushing any negative energies you have collected out of the front door. Make sure to seal the front door when you are finished.

Happy full moon, Love and Light x

 

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Holistic Healing.

Last week i had my very first session of acupuncture. It’s something i had wanted to try for a really long time i had just never gotten round to it. Because of the pain in my joints the past few months and i am missing an awful lot of training i decided to finally give it a go. The meds the Dr has gave me don’t seem to be helping much and i’ve tried every herbal remedy i can think of so now it’s time to consult the holistic healing methods.

Holistic healing is characterized by the belief that the parts of something are intimately interconnected and explicable only by reference to the whole. In other words our emotional, mental, spiritual & physical bodies are all interconnected and all effect each other, therefore if the body is sick we need to work on the spiritual/mental/emotional level in order to heal the body. Western medicine focuses solely on treating the symptoms of the body and not actually getting to the root of the problem or healing it.

I have tried a lot of other holistic methods in the past such as floatation therapy, reiki, meditation & ayahuasca, all of which have worked absolute wonders for me. No medicine or treatment i have ever been given by my Doctor can ever compare to the healing i have acquired through holistics. This is why when the meds and physio failed me with my joint pain i decided to turn to Acupuncture.

I was a little but nervous about getting it as i’m not to fond of needles and so was feeling a little queezy but by the time i walked out of that 1 hour treatment i really did feel completely different and was so glad that i decided to try it.

When i went in Lena who going to be my therapist asked me a few questions about the pain i was experiencing and what kind of symptoms i had been having / how long i had been having them that sort of thing. She then lay me down on the bed and got to work. She explained to me that even though the pain was in all of my joints she would be placing the needles in various points on my abdomen and by doing this she could treat the whole body.

Right throughout our bodies we have lines and points called meridians. These points are like pathways that allow the life force energy to flow through us. In Chinese medicine they call this energy ‘qi’,  but where i come from it is known as ‘prana’. Something that  i practice in Kundalini yoga is learning to remove blockages and balance our chakras in order to allow this life force energy to flow freely through us. Unfortunately sometimes we need a little additional help as we can get stuck and we cannot clearly see ourselves to recognize where or why we have a blockage. This is when a little extra help from a reiki healer or acupuncturist can work wonders.

By placing needles in certain points on my abdomen and rolling them about Lena was working on any blockages and unbalanced areas within my energy center in order to bring my body back to homeostasis and allow the prana to flow through freely. After placing roughly 50 needles in different points she then put a heat lamp over me and left me to heal and relax for half an hour. During that half hour i could really feel the needles working on my energy centers, my whole body felt like it was buzzing and tingling everywhere and i kept getting little jerks in certain areas (a bit like when your falling asleep and your leg jerks and wakes you). This is a feeling i am already used to from other methods of holistics i have used, so even though it felt very weird i knew it was a good sign and that it was working.

When i went in to the treatment i had terrible pain between my shoulders, in my wrist and especially in my knees. When i came out of the treatment i had not a single bit of pain anywhere in my body. Now i don’t know if it was adrenaline from having 50 needles stuck into me, if it was a placebo effect, or if it was because Lena really knew her stuff, but whichever one it was does it really matter? For the first time in months i could walk without experiencing pain in both knees, whatever it was it worked.

Lena also told me a few foods that i should try and avoid, bananas, dairy & coffee to name a few. She was actually the second person to tell me i should stay away from dairy as i was also advised the same at an ayahuasca ceremony a few months back. So that was it decided, i went home and drank a huge final glass of milk and then decided that was it no more dairy after this.

Almost a week later now and i’m still feeling so much better. Not 100% better but much better than i have in months and a lot less pain. I have booked in again to see Lena and have decided i’m going to keep up with the Acupuncture as well as daily energy work at home and stick to what i know best – spirit science.

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Escaping the matrix.

CREDENCE
You are in a prison right now, in this very moment; a prison so intelligently designed
that its core feature is to make sure the prisoners don’t know they’re imprisoned. This prison does not look to control you directly through force or strength, but rather indirectly through social and societal pressure. It’s as if we’re born into this world and given the bare minimum of how it operates then told to follow a script. This script goes as follows: go to school, then get a job, then get married, then have children, then retire. Throughout this script we follow each others action and the actions of our parents, ultimately enticing us to get into large sums of debt – buy a new car, buy a nice house, buy name brands, etc. It’s a menagerie of arbitrary miscellanies for the soul, or should I say soulless, purpose of achieving status in a rat race that goes so fast we may as well call it a drop-dead sprint. To those in this trap, these statements seem like the mad ramblings of an angst existentialist, but to someone awakened, it is a brief explanation of the multiple tools and techniques used to keep us prisoners asleep. If you find this hard to believe or understand, I can completely understand, how could anybody know they’re in a prison when there are no bars? How can it be a prison if we’re free to travel and live in any place of our choosing? If you’re reading this, then it is clear that you have started on a path of enlightenment can can see that this world is not functioning the way it should. I have broken chains so well concealed that I didn’t even know they were wrapped around my ankles and I come bearing a key (or a sledgehammer depending on how far indoctrinated into the system you are) for a gran exodus, but we’ll have to dive deep into
the spirit pool. Don’t just read this, take action as well, for without action this may as well be mental masturbation to appease your ego. This is not an attack on a particular person,
religion, or group but rather an expansion to reveal a higher truth of what you know and
believe in. Providence has guided me to bring light to a false truth that keeps “woke” people asleep without them knowing, like a dream that seems so real you mistake it for reality. Beware of serpents that slither into you’re life, for they seek to inject you with a sweet, irresistible venom. This venom keeps you sedated in a daze and, like any drug, you’ll eventually come down, and start to crave for more. These snakes take multifarious forms and can be so deceptive that they fool even themselves into thinking the venom they peddle is for the benefits of others. Once you’ve been bitten, they will haunt you to the ends of the earth to ensure that you are either high on venom or seeking venom. Followers of serpent spiritual leaders are given this venom so they don’t question what is being taught and to feel bad if they begin to doubt what they’re told. If a follower begins to doubt or question what is being taught, they are shut down, instead of encouraged and told ‘Sadly, you are not yet developed enough to really understand what is being said’ or some similar gobbledygook. This is subtle victimization, a key tool used by these snakes, to make you feel like a peon to their spiritual knowledge. It’s hard to imagine that a spiritual “leader” would do something like this as 9 times out of 10 they seem benevolent, but this technique is subtle, so subtle that it bypasses the conscious and goes straight into the subconscious. They present themselves to know/have something you want to know/have and offer you the chance to know/have the same thing. You feel a spiritual ‘high’ as if you’ve gained some kind of insight from this person/group and begin to follow their rhetoric. When this leader is indeed a serpent, you’ll know you’ve been given venom because it will taste irresistibly sweet at first, but becomes disgustingly bitter later on – for example the idea of heaven can be used as venom. The idea of heaven is sweet at first as you imagine living in paradise, joy and abundance. You can almost feel high while imagining having all of your dreams come true and truly believing it can come true, but turns bitter when the idea of hell is taught. There is a bitter contrast between eternal happiness and eternal suffering, keeping you coming back to the church because there is a chance you might just not qualify for heaven and will be doomed to suffer eternally. This is not to say that the churches and religions who preach this rhetoric are inherently evil, but rather the point being that this idea of heaven and hell can be used as a tool to control the followers. The control cycle begins,
because next they tell you that as long as you continue to follow their teaching and
commands, you will surely get into heaven. There is a third part to this venom, and that is it will never give you the same ‘high’ as it did the first time. To continue the example of heaven and hell, the requirements to get into heaven seem impossible for a mere human to follow, so we must always come back to purge ourselves so we don’t loose favor with the eternal judge. We must always come back, over and over, ending up like a rabbit with a carrot on a stick attached to its back, keeping a constant chase for some thing that seems just out of reach. We can expand this to broader concepts such as seeking happiness, peace, joy, abundance, etc. There always seems to be someone who has these things and peddles venom promising that one day you too will receive happiness, peace, joy, abundance, etc. These are all used against you to keep you in a drop dead sprint from the moment you’re born so you constantly seek, but never quite reach, a prison for your mind and soul.
AGREEMENTS
The use of venom and control is part of an agenda, this agenda’s goal is to control the
way you behave by getting followers stuck in a ‘Starseed Trap’. Allow me clarify what I mean by “starseed”: a starseed is an individual, here on the earth plane (in a three dimensional human body), whose soul originated from another planet, star system, galaxy, dimension, or a parallel universe. That is NOT to say you are not human, for you’re reading this with a pair of human eyes, scrolling with your thumbs on a phone screen or computer mouse, using your human brain to interpret these words, and what-not; but rather it IS to say that your soul is of this world but not from it. Generally Starseeds feel separate – as if they don’t l belong here, and often have a longing to return home without knowing where home is. However, deep within, they are connected with Unity Consciousness, a consciousness that reinforces you to act in ways that unite you to nature/God/Source/Jah (personally, I like to call it The Way, The Way is the natural order of life). Over time starseeds awaken to who they are; when fully activated and free from programming, starseeds are powerful light beings, spiritual warriors, and other agents of change. As you can imagine, uncontrolled powerful beings of light living in sovereign integrity can rock the foundations of a corrupt society simply with their lifestyles.
Starseed are susceptible to programmed belief systems and often fall victim to a complete belief system restructuring to ensure this potential is kept locked away. This restructuring takes your natural connection to The Way and turns it all topsy-turvy so you feel like that connection is gone and you need a middle man to connect you to The Way. Once in a control group, starseeds begin to believe that everything they are told is the only truth and all other sources of knowledge should be ignored and rejected. In the Starseed Trap we see all kinds of sickly control tools such as ‘the Dark Mother’, victimization, narcissism, artificial intelligence (A.I.), and transhumanism. These tools are cleverly disguised in reversal programs forcing members into doubt themselves so they continually give their power away to others who they believe know more than they do. When Starseeds enter these kinds of groups they, unconsciously, enter into an “Agreement of Entrapment”. What is an Agreement of Entrapment?
The most powerful universal law is the law of agreement. You must teach yourself to
become aware of all agreements that you make, as all agreements are valid through time and space, on all dimensions. If your body and your soul are not in agreement, then your body will be in disease (dis-at-ease). This disease manifests within your subtle energy bodies first, then manifest into the physical world. The physical world may be full of confusion, disease, and imbalance of free flowing energy if agreements are not kept. All things come first from the invisible, then transmute into this visible world of solid matter. The Way made an agreement with your soul to incarnate in this dimension, this agreement resulted in the manifestation from the invisible world into the visible world, creating your physical body. Manifestation can be achieved by any two independent naturally occurring frequencies that join together in agreement. A resonance occurs as their high and low opposites are reached simultaneously, both frequencies vibrate in unison and the waveform created by the two frequencies will exceed that which either could produce independently. Although this sounds complicated, in reality it’s absurdly simple – it is a merging duality. A new entity is created by the joint
  agreement and intent of both A and B, forming a new entity AB. The formula goes: A + B = AB – it is literally that simple. When one agrees to integrate with another, a pyramid is formed: the first point is A, the second point is B, and the third point is AB. The entity created, AB, will always have an influence from the invisible after it’s created. For example, child is created when mom (A) and dad (B) have sex with the intention of making a child (AB); this baby will be influenced by its own spirit along with the influences of mom and dad. So, you may be wondering why is it addition, instead of multiplication? Wouldn’t A*B equal AB? And wouldn’t A+B=C? Multiplication implies a fusion of two entities to create a new entity, resulting in the destruction of A and B. For example, if you blended fruit (A) and ice (B) together, the fruit and ice will be destroyed but you will get a smoothie (AB) from the fusion. When entities are added together, the original entities are not destroyed, but rather combine to form something new. For example, when you make a sandwich you are adding ingredients together without
destroying them – bread (A) plus ham (B) combine to make a sandwich (AB). Keep in mind that the ‘addition’ is not a literal combination, but rather a similar intention that brings A and B together.
Now lets take a step further – pretend you got a new job at a company. Your intention is
to make money (e.g. a paycheck) and your boss’ intention is to make money (e.g. profits).
Together you have agreed to form a company (A [you] +B [your boss] =AB [the company])
with the soul intention to make money. Although you both have the same intention of
manifesting money, the money itself comes from a single source. Without realizing it, you’ve co-created a siphon of energy and intend to turn this energy into money – recall to what I mentioned earlier about how everything first comes from the invisible then manifests into the visible. You (A) take energy (money) from people, then your (B)
boss takes the energy you gathered and gives back a smaller portion of that energy (your paycheck). The thing is, the siphon of energy (AB) is now an entity of the company as well, as you both agreed to create it through your intentions. That is to say, you and your boss manifested a siphon of ENERGY through your intentions and this manifestation comes out in unforeseen was such as coming home tired every day, needing coffee in the mornings just to get by, getting into fights with co-workers, etc. Recall that it’s not physical money being siphoned, but rather energy (an invisible force) that eventually manifests as money. As you can imagine, the combinations for co-creation are infinite and must be precise so you don’t agree to entrap yourself. This is how starseed traps are manifested, how the matrix is manifested, and why it can be so easy for serpents to hide these traps in plain sight. Starseeds whom do not realize that their energy is being siphoned off become less and less able to see or release themselves from Starseed Traps or connect directly to The Way. Have you ever tried using a flashlight when the batteries were low? You are light, here to illuminate the dark, but when your batteries are low, you too will shine dimly. Starseeds are often trapped through their sense of wanting to heal other people, timelines, and other lifetimes. They often find themselves spending far too much time outside their body, processing parts of consciousness that are not even all theirs to deal with! The need to feel important and to work towards healing the planet and healing the whole, which is admirable, often ends up becoming confusing clutter. Any work done is contained in a kind of stasis field where no growth is possible, and the “work” is presented again and again, over and over, ad infinitum. This repetitive works makes you feel as if your accomplishing something, when in actuality you have yourself stuck in a hamster wheel. A Starseed will believe they are working on their own ascension when they are not and at the same time having their energy siphoned
off. They are in a trap without knowing it, designed to keep them slogging away and feeling great misery as they do so. How many people do you know complain about feeling tired all the time? Have you ever felt a kind of tiredness that sleep can not fix? Like a wet blanket hanging around your shoulders. Ask around, and you’ll be surprised how many people have this feeling without having the ability to put it into words.
SERPENTS 
Female serpents in leadership roles within these groups are operating the ‘Dark Mother’
reversals and harvest the energy of the group through emotional manipulation. Now do not confuse this as an attack on female leadership, for there is a significant difference between a spirited female leader and a Dark Mother. Dark Mothers complain that their role is a self-sacrificing one, a martyrdom, and that they are constantly attacked for the work they do in order to elicit an outpouring of love and support from their group. The Dark Mother’s story is one of victimization and betrayal, pleading “why can’t we all be nice and support one another?”. This is set up to directly activate the victim program in her followers and opens the door for siphoning to occur; the emotional out-pour is gobbled up in a grotesque gluttony. Dark Mothers love, feed on, and perpetuate as much drama as possible so the emotional charge from their followers is maximized. The Dark Mother (A) works with her group (B)
to create a siphon of emotional energy (AB) as the intention is to provide “support” for
one-another.
SIGNS OF A SERPENTS VENOM:
-Feel we acted in a certain way that is not our normal way of behaving, usually in an outburst of emotion.
-Doing or saying things and wondering why, as if we are on auto-pilot.
-Speaking or focusing on something painful but can’t tell where it’s coming from, as if it came from another dimension, lifetime, or timeline.
-Feeling superior to others through our beliefs.
-We can’t free ourselves from a situation/group without guilt.
-Feeling like a victim or that we have been sacrificed, crucified, or are martyrs.
-Heavily defending our life story or our suffering at the hands of ET interference.
EXODUS
The first step to removing ourselves from these traps is by coming back into ourselves
and becoming grounded. The sun will still rise and the earth won’t stop spinning if you stop for a moment and take a breather. The second step is to find your foundation; who you are, why you are here, and what your purpose is – NONE OF THESE CAN BE ANSWERED BY OUTSIDE SOURCES. We have to come into our own power through understanding ourselves, when we understand we become aware of where our energy goes, and through this understanding we begin to control our energy instead of giving it away. When we begin to know ourselves and what is truly in our heart we move on to the third step, to live in integrity. Through living in integrity we find our connection with our inner God Self and The Way. The venom will wear away when we no longer give the serpents any power, energy, or attention. Live in integrity, know that what happens to you happens through providence to further your spiritual growth; never live in fear for auspicious signs are in place. Let’s get out of Babylon, my family, for the way out appears, when you begin to listen to your inner voice and connect with The Way. By working together we can co-create a grand exodus from this matrix and traps we’ve been bamboozled into. I’ve been stuck in this trap multiple times before, it becomes elementary and unmistakable over time. My warrior method involves mastery of the
self before all things, for Starseeds are sovereign beings with immense potential. Once you have mastered and understood yourself, the world stops being a scary matrix of traps and inhumanities, and transmutes into a canvas for you to create anything you can possibly imagine.
“Although this life is nice, we should live in in preparation
for the next one, so I’m writing these revelations
so that when I become an ancestor my reincarnation
can find peace in this world of devastation” – D’Rok
Thankyou so much @ethereal.creations for sharing your knowledge with us, i am truly grateful.
Highest blessings,
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My First Float.

 

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If you read my previous blog post you will know that for my 25th birthday i was heading over to Kildare for the day to experience my first ever float session in a sensory deprivation tank.

I went to Sli Beatha in Naas, Co. Kildare and was not disappointed. The whole experience from start to finish was absolutely wonderful, so much so that i decided to pay for two further sessions so i can go again in the next few weeks.

First of all i would highly recommend going to Sli Beatha Float House if you are going to try floating. If you don’t live in Naas don’t be put off by having to travel as i promise it is worth it. I got the 126 bus from the Happeny Bridge in Dublin city centre which took roughly 40 minutes & it was only 10 euros for a return ticket. The bus dropped me right outside just across the road from the Float House (ask the bus driver to tell you when your at the stop before the post office in Naas and get off there).

The whole place was very beautiful inside and felt very relaxing & ‘spa’ like. Laura was very welcoming and made me feel very comfortable right away. I was sat down in a little cosy area to watch a video about how the tank works & a few need to know things. I was then given some earbuds to keep & offered a bottle of water and then Laura took me upstairs to my private float room.

I have to say the full place from top to bottom was absolutely gleaming and spotless, such a beautiful space throughout and lovely decor & a calming atmosphere. Laura took me in the float room and explained everything to me and showed me where everything was and how to use the tank and then she left me to enjoy.

I was delighted that in your private float room you have absolutely everything provided for you so you don’t have to bring anything at all. A lovely fresh towel and a turbie towel for your hair are provided, plus you have your own shower in the room for before and after the float. I quickly had my pre float shower, put my earbuds in place and climbed into the tank.

I was a little bit nervous about doing it as i have had a terrible fear of drowning for the past 10 years ever since one of my friends i went to school with sadly drowned. I used to be quite a strong swimmer up until that happened but afterwards i would have nightmares every night for years to come and wake up in floods of tears every night. After that the fear of drowning was just to overwhelming for me that it took me 8 years before i would get back in the water again. I’m glad to say that i finally came to peace with it and started learning to swim again at the age of 24. Better late than never right?

I was surprised when i climbed in at how bouyant I was. Relief rushed over me straight away as i realised theres no possible way i could drown in here, i could barely even sit on the bottom to get in place thats how floaty it was in there. I pulled the top of the tank dow completely straight away as although i had been a bit worried before about drowning or feeling claustrophobic those fears were now gone. I floated so easily and comfortably and the tank was so big that i just wasn’t worried at all now.

For the first 10 minutes of the float they play some beautiful calming music directly into the tank & the light in the tank is still on. The light is like a beautiful pastel mood light with really warm glowing colours, enough to light up the tank inside but not bright enough to kill the mood, just right. You can turn the light off yourself when you get in if you like but since it was my first time i kept it on for now. Laura had advised me that when i get in the light will automatically turn off after 5 minutes and that the the music would fade away and turn off after 10 minutes. For the first minute or two i was just finding my most comfortable position to float in which was with my arms up by the side of my head instead of by my sides. I had a little bit of anxiety worrying about being able to breathe properly in here and was worried would i freak out when the light and music turned off so i decided just to concentrate on my breath. I practice pranayama breathing techniques regularly so i just focused on a techique i know to calm the nervous system & relax .

When the light turned off i was actually surprised as straight away the sense of being inside a tank just vanished. The floating sensation coupled with absolute darkness made me feel as if i was floating through a vast open space it was a very freeing and wonderful sensation. Any anxiety that i had felt previously completely disappeared, i did not feel enclosed or as if i was in a tank at all and it was absolutely pitch black in there i could not see a single thing. There were a few times throughout the float when i actually didn’t know if my eyes were open or closed as it made no difference either way. My neck & traps felt very achy and uncomfortable at first which i knew could happen from watching the video before hand. When there is no other sensation to focus on except your own body any aches or itches or rumbles just feel magnified times 10. Even though the aches in my neck were very prominent at first i was still extremely relaxed and comfortable and after the epsom salts in the tank started to soak in (about 20 minutes in) the muscle aches and tension eased away completely.

With the light switched off i got this indescribable feeling throughout my whole body like a mixture of relief and elation. I often struggle to calm myself or relax around other people & as i get older i become more and more introverted. The theme of my week so far had been ‘God please give me 5 minutes of peace and quiet before i lose my shit or have a panic attack’. When the music went silent in that tank i just though to myself FINALLY! Absolute silence and alone time, no distractions, nobody to have to make conversation with or answer to, no anxiety, no jobs to do or places to be, no rushing, just pure joyous bliss.

The next 50 minutes were absolutely wonderful i can’t even begin to describe. I realised a long time ago that even though anxiety is internal, for me my anxiety always revolves around other people. Always trying to people please, worrying about what other people are thinking, trying to make conversation to please other people even though i just want quiet, putting other peoples needs before my own, carrying other peoples worries as my own, fear of other people wanting to hurt me. I always find any social situation extremely draining and even though i will always be smiling and i truly do want to be there, it can just get a bit overwhelming for me at times. It was like getting some time alone in this tank to relax was an answer to my prayers. I honestly must have been radiating gratitude from every single inch of my body whilst i was in there for getting the chance to have this experience.

I let the good feelings flow in and the bad ones flow out and let my thoughts come and go exactly the same way. I didn’t try to control my thoughts or stop them or direct them, i just let them come and go without really fixating on them. Just being aware of what was drifting in and out. Being present and completely letting go of everything.

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For the majority of that 50 minutes i would completely forget where i was, i almost felt like i was in a dream or floating through the universe or just completely absorbed in consciousness. Actually i think the way to describe it would be all of those things at once.. i was awake but dreaming, floating through the universe, completely immersed in consciousness with no attachment to my physical body. It was such a beautiful and humbling experience that words do not do it justice. One thing that i was very happy about as for a while now i seemed to have ‘writers block’ and couldn’t seem to come up with things i wanted to write about any more. My thoughts became so crystal clear in that tank that the ideas just came flowing to me one after another, but gently and softly. There was never a rush of thoughts or a bombardment of thoughts. Infact i don’t know how it’s possible but i’m pretty sure the thoughts were gently flowing and coming to me but at the same time my head was completely clear and silent. Well one thing i have learned this far in life is that ANYTHING is possible. The mind is a complex and fascinating thing. All of the ideas that came flowing to me about writing and about my life seemed so perfect that it was as if God had just planted them there himself. At the same time though these thoughts and amazing ideas i was having weren’t like an epiphany. No. They were from inside me, i already had these thoughts but with the business of every day life and the outside noise it’s hard to make sense of your own thoughts or let them surface.

And then i felt grateful to myself. Grateful for following my guides, for following my intuition, i felt grateful for allowing myself this experience, grateful for me to listening to my body and practicing yoga, walking, for meditating, for allowing myself to heal, for my ayahuasca journey, for my journal. All of these things that i had brought into my life that are just for me. For taking care of myself, mind body and spirit. (Feeling nostalgic referencing back to my first ever blog post here). I promised myself in this moment that floating was going to become a regular part of my life from now on. As did yoga, meditation, journalling, so will floating. I made a comitment to myself right then to float once a month and give myself this time to let go of everything and allow myself to heal. From the inside out.

After my float was over i had a lovely hot shower in the float room before heading through to the dressing room to get myself together. I had brought towels and shampoos, brushes etc with me in my bag but it turns out none of them were needed. The shower had the loveliest smelling shampoo & conditioners of all time & the shower gel left me all silky smooth and smelling gorgeous after washing away all of the float salts – note, make sure to rinse out properly inside your ears just in case any salt water got in, as if it dries on your eardrum it could cause some discomfort. In the cutest dressing room ever there were loads of toiletries and amenities to choose from. Cleansers, moisturisers, body butters, argan oils, hair serums, deodorants, hair brushes, a selection of gorgeous perfumes, hair bobbles & clips, they literally had everything.

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After i spent a slow & lazy 45 minutes drying my hair and getting myself together i took a seat on a cosy orange elephant chair and had a browse through the guest book. It was lovely to read the messages left by all of the people who had visited before me. So many people saying they had also had similar experiences to mine, joyous, calming, the feeling of connection and oneness. My personal favourites were ”it’s all connected” & ”ooh ahh sli beatha, ooh ahh sli beatha”. So anyways i left my own message in the guestbook thanking them for a wonderful experience and then i went down to the reception and paid for my next two floats to come. No hesitation there. I already can’t wait to go back and i will keep blogging about each floating experience and how it evolves for me.

Healing the mind body & soul, one float at a time.

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